Baby Harper

On this day, 3 years ago, my son went to heaven.
3 years!
I can't even believe it's been that long...but at the same time, it feels like forever.


I think of him often.
Wondering what life would be like if he were still here.
Would his little sister be taller than him (since she is a giant)?
Would they get along?
Would he argue with his older sisters?


I miss his tiny little self.
Even spending day after day after day in the hospital with him.
It was such a pain, driving there after work every day, but I was smart enough to appreciate it.
I just couldn't wait to get him home so our family would be under one roof.


I'd go back to it though. I'd sleep on that cot, listening to the monitors beep, stressing over his numbers, living out of a suitcase, showering in a tiny hospital bathroom.
I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, if it meant spending a few hours with him again.


Do you know that this day, 3 years ago, started just like any other day?
I actually remember someone at the gym asking me that morning how he was.
And I told them he was finally home, doing great, and I hated leaving him, even to go to the gym.


None of us know what our future holds, or even how our day will end.
If anyone told me that we would walk out of LeBonheur for the last time early the next morning,
with our hearts broken and our arms empty, I would have never left his side that day.


Rushing home to cram all of his baby stuff into his room and shutting the door so we didn't have to look at it, breaking the news to his big sisters who had no idea what happened, and literally just finding the courage to put one foot in front of the other. Looking back, it doesn't even seem real.


Find the time to hug your babies. Spend a little extra time kissing them. I know I always do now.
And if you know someone, who lost a baby or a child, don't forget to remember them.
I'm pretty sure people are shocked every time that I mention Harper.
But I'll always remember him, and it feels nice knowing others will too. ;)